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| Courtesy: punchng.com |
Today’s
Prompt:
Take two people who dislike each other and
stick them in the backseat of a cab. What happens?
Word Count: 2,206
No
storm clouds gathered when the cloudburst ripped off the sky’s high ceiling and
stripped them of alternatives. As a cab pulled up before the empty sidewalk,
they were stuck with only two options; to either get their butts in or get it wet.
Each climbed into the cab on the opposite side, barely aware of the other’s thereness. (Correction, in their hurry, both
men registered company, but none knew for a fact, who he was trucking with.)
They
both chanted “Hi” but when their eyes met, the temperature inside the cab
plummeted below sub zero.
The chill ran like a single
thread through seamless tapestry and ate up the warmth until the air inside the
cab crackled. The mismatched company was like the weather in The Odyssey; they hauled a climate
change in the car, but it was not rain. A painter and a gentleman of the bar had
managed to churn out a blizzard inside a taxi.
The
cab bucked down the street, its headlights beaming full blast into oncoming windshields,
garnering furious honks from passing vehicles. The cab picked a tremble as
thunder walked and talked. Inside, Lionel Richie sang Stuck On You through the speakers. Josh Akam (/arkham/), the
painter and Reuben Idem (/he them/), the advocate sat in dead silence.
“It’s a real gullywasher and I
ain’t heard zilch from the weather forecaster and I been on the radio all day.
Where is anybody when you need them?” said the cabbie, wiping the windshield
with a towel. He turned around briefly and studied his passengers sitting like
ice statues each staring out at the storm on his side of the window. “People, is
it cold in here or is it just me?” Silence. “Tsk.” The cabbie turned around and
observed he was headed for a bump in the road. He veered to the right but the cab
was going too fast. The impact chucked the vehicle into the air and yanked the
passengers out of their seats into each other’s arms.
“Get your hands off me, fool,”
said Akam, shoving the lawyer away.
“Easy on the suit, Picasso,” said Idem, brushing imaginary
dust off his suit.
“Ain’t we just the 3-piece combo
of the moment,” said the cabbie, keeping his eyes on the road for a change.
“Bet, you left your posh SUV back
home to stand guard over your land, ugh?” said Akam.
“And your overrated wagon’s
sitting in your garage just in case my SUV trespasses on your property.”
“Funny, I don’t recall the last
time my home was completely empty.”
“Oh, I forgot,” said Idem, a
smirk ran the stretch of his chubby face. “Mr. Freakazoid has a dog.”
“And a wife,” said Akam. “Don’t
you forget that; and a wife.” Then he
added. “Unlike some people I know.”
“Is that so?” said Idem, facing
Akam square in the face. “Correct me, if I’m wide of the mark, which I’m
usually not when I get on your pitiful case; I used to think your wife and dog was one and the same?”
The
cabbie had an ear pasted to the backseat. He’d pictured a scenario where the dispute
fell flat and this mobile court disintegrated
into a whirlpool of confused madness.
“Now that I think about it, you two
never mentioned where you were going. Not that I recall though.”
“Shut up and drive,” the Accuser
and the Advocate yelled. The cabbie couldn’t help wondering if it was a
rehashed job.
“Thought you’d like to know,”
the cabbie said. “In a few minutes, this road’s gonna give on an intersection.
What’s it gonna be? Right, left, or drive on through?”
“Drive right through.” Again in
almost perfect unison.
“Then you won’t mind if I took a
detour. It’s the safest short cut around town. And mind the glass, it’s
breakable, you know?” The cabbie whose name you don’t really wanna know took
quick peek at his passengers and…
“Watch the road! Watch the road
you fool, are you trying to get us both killed?”
“Damn, such attitude from men
who can’t wait to tear each other apart,” said the cabbie. “Tsk, tsk, tsk.”
The
cab ducked between two tall buildings and went bumping along a dirt road.
“So much for your safest short cut,” Idem, the Advocate
said, as the cab dive-bombed a depression, rattling his teeth.
“By the way,” Akam, the
painter-turned-Accuser said, not yet over the fight. “It’s not escaped my
notice the way you’ve been gloating over my wife, recently. Doesn’t that
qualify you as a sex-crazed maniac? I keep thinking I might return home someday
and find you bust into my home and violated her.”
“You’re a veritable source of
pain, has anybody ever told you that? Quit the name-calling, I don’t wanna
fight you…”
“Fight me? I won the case
remember? The land’s mine already. That’s the reason you been bitching every
damn time you saw me. Even the flowers on your side of the land are graying. I
bet they hate your freaking guts, too.”
Reuben
Idem glanced out his side of the window at people scurrying about in the rain.
He seemed worn-out from arguing. The cabbie heaved a sigh of relief. All was
peaceful and the fight could have taken place eons ago. Lionel Richie’s voice
poured through the speakers singing Sail
On.
“Let me get something straight, Dali.” Idem pulled off his suit and laid
it over his lap, stroking it like a pet. “I wanna know how it feels to live on
another man’s property. To throw a foulmouthed lie in court, like you did, and
win over some guy’s family land and occupy same with the helpless owner
standing by? Cause if I had my way, you’d be as homeless as those people on the
sidewalk.”
“Oh boy, you gotta be kidding
me.” The cabbie pulled a face. “Ladies, ladies, you end this right now and the
cab fares on the house. This mobile court
of law is hereby adjourned.” He slammed his fist against the dashboard and
knocked over some CDs.
Akam
was massaging his neck when Idem addressed him. He winced as if he had been
dealt a blow below the belt.
“If you want a war why don’t you
go pick on somebody your size? I won the lawsuit because I am the legal owner of
the land.”
“Naw. The way I remember it you
won cause your father who passed ownership to you was a townsman, while my unfortunate father was an outsider who
happened to own a land here.”
“What!” The cabbie pumped the
brakes and sent his passengers flying out of their seats. “Ain’t that a bitch?
I’ll take it anyway I get it, bro. If I was from out of town and I owned a
place to hang my hat and park my car in some strange town, I’ll go with it.
100%.”
“You don’t have to break every
bone in my body to make your point, you know,” Idem said.
Akam
grunted. “Easy on the pedals, cabbie. I got family waiting for me.” He turned
to Idem. “You are the lawyer so tell me what part of the law places a local
above an outsider?”
“There’s no law in this part of
the country. All they got is a bunch of clowns in costumes and an excuse for a
judicial system. They all run jungle justice around here. It’s only a matter of
time before the government get wind of these fools and run ‘em out of court,
literally. And you, where will that leave your sorry butt and your dime a dozen
paintings? And let’s not leave the dog out of this.”
Akam
and Idem both owned houses by the lake. The houses once belonged to their
fathers who had erected no walls to mark the boundary of their properties. The idea
for a wall was Idem’s who wanted some privacy
as he called it. The men got into a dispute about ancient landmarks, which was
settled in court. Akam won the lawsuit and Idem screamed foul play up and down
the aisle. Of course, he vowed to appeal and challenge the court order.
Ever since the lawsuit, the men
have been on non-speaking terms. If Akam’s wife Ada saw these two in the same
cab, she would shit a brick.
Idem
lived alone, well, not exactly, ‘he lived
with his jeep and gadgets’ as Akam’s wife loved to explain it. Idem’s car
had developed a glitch just around the corner where he bumped into Akam and a
few moments before the downpour. He left it at the mechanic’s. Akam on the
other hand, was out sightseeing. He loved taking long walks to inspire his
muse. Akam had a wife, a boy and a dog.
Fate used these circumstances to
stick two sworn enemies in the backseat of a cab.
Akam
sat ramrod straight as if someone had run a current of electricity through his
side of the seat. “You know what, I’m peeved about you dragging my wife into
this bull.”
The
cab slowed to a crawl. I Can’t Make You
Love Me by Boyz II Men had replaced Lionel Richie.
“Just because she don’t let you
get anywhere near her don’t make her the butt of your jokes. I’ve been really
trying, doing my best to let it pass, look the other way. But you never get it,
do you? And I believe the reason is pretty simple; you are the only family
you got. It’s impossible for such a man to understand relationships.”
“Nice speech for a man who doesn’t
know squirt about dignity,” Idem said.
Akam
points a finger in Idem’s face. “I’m not going to say this a second time, get
the dang off her case.”
“Let me guess or you’ll paint a butt
naked portrait of me and present it to the people who visit at your gallery?”
“I just might.”
“Hey, guys, fellows. You don’t
need all this drama. You guys are both respectable citizens. You really wanna fling
your R-E-S-P-E-C-T out the window cause of this… this… this…” He fumbled for
the right word in his mind but just before his brain could process the phrase
and present it to his vocal cords, Akam lashed out at him.
“Mind the road, cabbie. This thing’s
way out of your league. This water runs deep and it’d be sad to have an
innocent guy drowned in its waves.”
“Nobody’s drowning but that bitch
you left at home…”
“Now, that’s the last straw. I’m
going to punch your lights out right this minute.”
Akam
threw a punch at Idem. Had Idem hesitated for one second, Akam’s fist would
have detached his head from his body. But he ducked in time and the punch went
over his head and straight through the window. Akam hollered as shards of glass
pierced his flesh.
“Okay. That’s it, gentlemen. This
claptrap goes so far. We gonna have a little talk and if we can’t get a neutral
ground, your silly butts can hail a cab.”
That
did it. It was the end of the fight. The cabbie swerved into the curb and
administered first aid.
And
surprise, surprise, Idem helped Akam into the backseat of the cab then, shut
the door quietly. He went around and hopped in on his side mindful of fragments
of glass. The cabbie handed him polythene to hold over the busted window and
keep out the rain.
The
cabbie turned the ignition, put the car in gear and hit the road again.
After
some moments of awkward silence, Idem shattered the melting ice.
“Can I tell you a story, Akam?”
Idem turned to Akam who had his eyes closed. “Do you want to know why I picked
on your wife every time we got into a fight?”
“Man, you really think it’s wise
to bring that stuff up at this moment? You got a spiritual problem or what?”
The cabbie was openly furious. “Take a look at the man. He’s had it.”
Idem
continued. “I mean, seriously. I’m not trying to pick a fight, I’m happy to be alive
right now.”
“Okay.” Brown sighed. He didn’t
open his eyes. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“She dumped my ass for you. I’m
amazed she never mentioned it to you. She wasn’t one to keep a secret.”
“Now that’s some crazy ass shit.
All this for the love of woman?” The cabbie turned to Akam. “I bet when she
dump your ass too, she gone get out there and sing, ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?’”
Akam
with a grin spread across his face was the first to see it and screamed. “Watch
the road, stupid.”
The
cabbie spun around but there was nothing to watch out for anymore. The cab was
over the sidewalk and knocking down a lamppost. They all scrambled out as the
post dropped on the roof of the car creating a bad dent.
The
storm had piped down to a sprinkle. The cabbie walked up to his cab and assessed
the damage. The CD player was still in business and Boyz II Men was performing End of the Road.
“This crazy mother is adjourned,”
he said.
Eneh Akpan
June
6, 2013
